I walk into math class on a hot Tuesday. It is the first day of school and I'm not surprised that I am was assigned to a supplementary math class after this regular one. Though this was expected of me, I can't help but hate the fact that I am forced to take two math classes in a row. I instantly know this won't work out. The reason why I am so terrible at math is not that I don't grasp the concept well. I am unable to pay attention out of true boredom for the subject. So tell me, if I can barely sit through an hour of this subject then how will spending two hours do any good for me? I stand in the bathroom with a girl that I have never actually talked to but we both seem to find each other as good company therefor we slipped into the girl's room across the hall during the transition of periods. I fix my hair. Not that it needs fixing or anything. Just that I have no idea what else to do with myself. As the two of us walk back into class for PA or as all the teachers call "project ahead" I realize how angry and annoyed I am. I don't want to be here. Extra math won't help me and no one seems to understand that. Sticking me here with these eleven kids, make me feel shittier and stupider by the second and as childish as it sounds, I almost wanted to cry. My eleven year old sister is in accelerated math and I am not only taking the lowest level but a supplementary class. As much as I would like to tell you that I get amazing grades in English to make up for this subject, I don't. I can't handle school. I have been taking classes for eight years of my life and I haven't gotten any better. We file into our seats and I notice that everyone has the same facial expression. Dread. Anger. Sadness. None of us want to be here. I would rather take Spanish. Our teacher stands by the board acting as if the eleven of us having failed our NJASK test is a good thing. As if this class is a good thing. We all know that its not. We all know that out of the two hundred kids in our grade, we are the eleven who failed. I hate that more than anything. So yeah. Not even a week of school has passed and I already feel like shit.
*Excuse the Blood On The Dance Floor stuff written on my arm and the scene kid stuff in some of these pictures. They were a joke*