ONLY ANGEL (Harry Styles Album, +Secret Show)

(i never finished this post but it's here going strong) (this is obviously from may) (im sorry)

catch the back of my head 

For all those unaware, this Monday, the consistent love of my life, Harry Styles hosted a secret (invite only) show at Rough Trade in Brooklyn and due to my lovely friend Jules' aunt, we were able to witness the boy band messiah himself! I have far too much to say about the show itself, from the incredible intimacy, to the infamous stage dive (I was one of the lucky few to be completely body slammed! cool!), but alas have already sold my soul (piece) to Mad Sounds so check in super soon for that gem. Anyways, along with being pressed against a stage at a 50 person Harry Styles show (absolutely wild. wild.), I actually ended up being one of the even fewer attendees who got to meet him, which was a complete and total emotional roller coaster itself, amassing to being one of my most surreal experiences. I want to go more in depth than this but have been real anxious about writing at the moment and don't believe whatever I can produce will do this moment justice.

But yeah I've actually been feeling real nervous when it comes to writing as it seems whatever I create isn't as "legitimate" as I feel it should be which is quite silly since if this blog was based off professionalism, it'd be long dead. Going off this idea, I decided the only way to truly honor Harry's self titled was to do the least poetic way of a review and literally just go song by song with my every disconnected thought.

-MEET ME IN THE HALLWAY
really beautiful harmonies and just an overall ace opener. I've been really living for this re branding and this song is just so calming and slightly ambiguous that it really just sets the mood for the rest- I also am really big fan of the simple lyrics that's kind of Front Bottoms-eque. Good stuff. Also that repetition of "gotta get better" is real catchy.

-SIGN OF THE TIMES
I've said this previously, but this sophomore track is the exact power ballad needed at the moment. Just a huge fan of the Bowie aspects put into production and I hate to be "that guy" but this one is absolutely breathtaking live. Just gorgeous.

-CAROLINA
So fun!! This was one of the four songs played at the Brooklyn show (Ever Since New York, Two Ghosts, and Sign of The Times being the others)- it was his first time doing it live and from the first second, it was a bop. First off, one of those ear worm-gets-stuck-in-your-head-forever ones but also includes some real interesting pieces like that high repeat of "situation" in the second verse that reminds me of The Beatles for some reason?? Also that "LA/LA/LA" part at the end? So good.

-TWO GHOSTS
Without a doubt my favorite off the album- really easily gets stuck in your head but is just so pretty and lilting that it's enjoyable. Just such poetic lyrics and is one of those slow songs I can bop to.
Kind of sounds like a song I've head before that I don't think exists but still feels familiar.

-SWEET CREATURE
Not a super fan of this one honestly- compared it to the "Little Things" of the album- boring yet kind of heartfelt enough. Not particularly interesting.

if it's just between us (+some favorites)

Things have been okay lately and I mean that in an indifferent manner. I haven't been in love with much but have been dying for the validation that others love me and found myself trapped this week hoping some guy thought I was intelligent because a small, yet ever so present, part of me longs for the word  "brilliant" to come out of a man's mouth in reference to me.

from a picnic in Tompkins with How Fitting old-timer, John

some misc things I'm into these days:
-Lorde's Melodrama, I used to be hardcore against the singer but think I've hit the perfect point in which every word that comes out that woman's mouth seems aimed at me. "Liability" is a lot for me but undoubtedly the greatest. Thank you Lorde for this one.
-Difficult People is also a hit at the moment for me. I'm always drawn to surreal and bizarre depictions of the narcissistic with shots of New York I can recognize. Billy Eichner you've done it again.
-Lavender incense deserves a real shoutout for helping me ease into my summer sleeping schedule/I've been trying this self curing technique for my chronic anxiety in which I continuously say "I'm not anxious" whenever I smell lavender in hopes that the scent of lavender will instantly cease my spiraling. As bizarre as it sounds, it's working surprisingly well.

-I kind of fell in love with Charli XCX's video for "Boys"??? It satisfied not only my emo phase (Brendon Urie laying amongst rose petals and Oli Sykes being his usual dapper self is enough to see the video) but that weird in between pastel goth "buy me candy floss and call me baby girl" period I had in sophomore year. Overall really good time and I'm unsure if it was commenting on the boy obsessed stereotype that is pushed on teenage girls but I thoroughly appreciated it regardless.
-My latest subway book has been Available by Matteson Perry- I don't think I've genuinely enjoyed reading something this much since Jessi Klein's You'll Grow Out of It. I actually originally heard of it through NPR's Modern Love podcast (something I *highly* rec) in which an excerpt of manic pixie dream girls was read- Perry is just so entertaining and I almost too much enjoy hearing of other's experiences in romance.
-Podcasts! Podcasts have resurfaced as my favorite thing (my ultimate dream of ending up as marketing director of NPR is yet to die) and I'd heavily recommend How I Built This (the Rent the Runway ep is a personal favorite, listening to Jenn Hyman speak about sexual harassment as a woman in power is incredible), This American Life  (a classic- the one on middle school continues to be my absolute favorite but they just recently did one on summer camp that I listened to on the way to a date and felt painful nostalgia for), and Mortified (this one is a little more lowbrow but very entertaining, I especially liked "Mortified Interrupted" in which in the second act, a man talks about how he convinced himself he was a writer/comedian/actor/musician when he'd done none of these things).

-I'm not going to pretend I like Neck Deep again but I was really feeling their video for "In Bloom". Nothing gets me like random artsy objects alongside pastel colors- it all reminded me of a concept for a Dazed or Wonderland editorial. I'd also be lying if I said I didn't vibe with the lyrics, I sometimes think I make up problems for myself to connect with moody pop punk but that whole "we're never going to put the pieces back together if you won't let me get better" bit got me on a weird level because I don't even understand how that situation connects to my life in any way, shape, or form. I blame it on my excessive empathy due to being an anxious-avoident lover.
-very vintage How Fitting but I made a playlist summing up my music taste over the past couple weeks- a lot of french pop and Jake Bugg. I think I'm just reliving another odd in between phase of mine.
 

-Annie 

Answer My Text U Dick!! (+Links)

So here's all I know:

-I'm writing a book! That's wild that's crazy and it's really a thing that makes me feel so incredibly amazed at how far things have escalated in my life. Though there'll definitely be way too many posts about it to come, look out for a collection of personal essays told in the format of stand up comedy.
-This is my favorite song at the moment. I may or may not have splurged on a maroon vinyl preorder of Pageant. (I also really miss doing music reviews?? Anticipate for one?? PWR BTTM is like my favorite band??)
-This is also so good.
-I'm trying to be a happier person and I've decided the solution is by writing more. Will I actually write once a week like I promise every other post?? Stay tuned.

-I went to my beloved New Museum Sunday (hence the photos) and made a pact with myself I'd never accompany anyone else here to never ruin it.
-I'm really proud of this poem I wrote for Crybaby Zine !!!
-Is Allday a good rapper?? Have I been listening to a lot of him?? Like I think at this point, I've accepted he's lowkey not a good musician but I'm so hardcore in love with him I think I'm ok with it.

-!!!!!!!this video!!!!!!
With this I leave you for now.
-Annie 

Here's Why I'm Incredibly Grateful I'm No Longer a 13 Year Old Blogger

(inspired by Rosie's post) (prepare for a plethora of horribly embarassing photos)
    So I have been here quite awhile haven't I. Before I kick this off, I want to just put out there that I
love writing and I love HF and most importantly, I love myself and anyone and everyone who has continued to follow me on this quite odd part of my life. Along with this, I do not say any of these words as a "kick in the face" or idea that I didn't love the attention I received years ago, I simply have different views about my past than I did previously.

me, circa 2013, long hair was never flattering on me 

   I started How Fitting in February of 2013. I was 13 years old and midway through 7th grade. For all those who aren't aware, I am currently 17 and in my second semester of 11th grade. Weird right? I want to give a little background, draw a picture of 13 year old Annie if you will. For starters, I was very depressed. In a regular middle school fashion, my closest friends (since elementary school) had recently left me and I was having horrible waves of loneliness, self loathing, and routine panic attacks. Though my rather upbeat and excitable style of writing at the time didn't show it, I was in an incredibly unstable place with myself and emotions. Actually, the reason I started How Fitting was (OK OK not just to be like Tavi Gevinson) to gain self esteem and self security. I began writing about the media I loved from my favorite band at the time, All Time Low, to the horribly questionable clothing I wore. However cringy they were, I had many many obsessions and needed a place to talk about them (I was yet to make friends who shared my loves). Though I am so (so so) happy I'm no longer the same, something me and my 13 year old self share is our constant curiosity and love for loving things. I really do believe if How Fitting didn't exist, I wouldn't be as fascinated with everything as I am now.
   Though we are only talking about 4 years ago, blogs and the Internet were quite different. I really mean it. I mean this was at the real kickoff of fashion bloggers becoming celebrities and brands getting on the bandwagon of collaborating. Along with this, there were *so* many less blogs- it almost seemed like everyone knew each other. I'm not going to lie, I really miss that mentality and state in which 13 year olds having no idea what they're doing could easily build a community. As I got more and more into it, I gained a larger and larger following until reaching up to 2,000 followers which was insane because if you saw how absolutely terrible I was, I have literally no idea why 1998 (not including my parents of course) people actually wanted to read 2013 How Fitting. I was receiving comments claiming I was a "precocious child" (I remember this comment so well because I admittedly didn't know what that meant at the time and originally took it as an insult) along with emails and opportunities to work with various companies (OK who allowed that?? What company actually wanted to work with a 13 year old??). It was all super surreal.

the classic photo I used at age 14 on here- I'm embarrassed to say I have this same dye job except it doesn't look nearly as good

   As I turned 14, my mentality became quite different as I was a year away from high school and on the brink of what seemed like false maturity. A lot happened throughout 2014 How Fitting; I tried (and failed) to create an online publication, I had my first "real" boyfriend, my first "real" "heartbreak", and holy hell I even came out as gay on here. I'm not going to go in the pretentious reflective direction, but HF really helped me become a lot more self aware. I was so unsure of myself before I started blogging and not only did my writing improve, having everything out there almost helped me "create myself" (or at least the side I wanted people to see). And that's where I get into the part in which I explain the title and arguably what this entire post is about. I went through a lot in the 8th grade- I still would rather not have most of these things public but for starters, my depression got a lot worse. I started Prozac. I went through yet another period of having no friends. Yet through it all, I continued to write as though my life was filled with picnics and cos playing and playlists with songs no one has ever heard of until the point where I got into the habit of being that character. A lot of 2014 How Fitting has no actual reflection on what I actually was. How Fitting almost taught me how to lie and put on a persona. Becoming a blogger yourself makes you pull back the curtain on everyone else you admire and understand how taxing and hard it can be sometimes to put on this "mask" on everything being OK. Along with this, though I love writing, I really do, I really wish I took some time out of how invested I was in this blog and actually could be thirteen and not pressured at seemingly every second.

me at LIM summer 2015!! I was such a cute n emo bb!

   Moving onto 2015, I not only began high school but also started interning at Nordstrom (at 14-15 years old, I was their youngest intern) which turned out to be a 2 year long anxiety attack. Thank god that's over. By 15, after spending the summer and fall of 2014 at FIT, I was describing my next summer of being at LIM's Fashion Lab (on scholarship) to the girls at Nordstrom before leaving for break. Like most times, this was met with a string of "wow I wish I could be as motivated" or "wait you're 15??" or something along the lines of matching my rather unusual level of determination and relative success with my age. Though I would love to continue to scriptually jack myself off, what I'm trying to say here is how pressured I actually felt on the inside. I hated being the youngest (which I always tended to be) and I hated being the constant wunderkind- it's honestly so much to put onto someone. The problem was I was putting it all onto myself. Ever since the age of 13, when How Fitting was born, I have continued to have the same mentality of "never enough"; there's always a new level of success, there's always a better offer, nothing is ever good enough. Though this, in theory, is a motivated and fine way to live life, I have set myself up to fail. I'll never be satisfied. This entire piece seems, like I said, textual masturbation but in all honesty, every single one of these things gave me so much anxiety.

an outfit post at age 15

   I'm currently 17, as said previously, and since then have quit my Nordstrom internship, been taking FIT classes (for actual pure fun- that was such an odd concept to me at 14), and I don't know, became the fashion editor and staff writer for several publications I'm head over heels in love with. I like to analyze my rather atypical early teenage years and really wish I could tell my 13 year old self to please stop stressing out over stupid shit like your future twenty years in fashion (and *please* stop wearing that plaid cropped blazer). I'm not going to pretend as though the last 4 years haven't been beautiful in their own way, but god am I glad to no longer be a 13 year old blogger anymore. I love what I do now and I definitely see me doing this for years to come, but also wish I was able to separate my constant need to success from having fun. Having your 13 year old self imprinted on the internet is an odd thing. This isn't a cautionary tale, more of look behind the curtain of what it's actually like to start something like this at such an early age. I love How Fitting and everywhere it has taken me, I love the every single person I've gotten to work with on silly projects and more serious projects and this really cool project me and my friend Zoe one time did about sex ed that we never published, and most importantly, I love the friends I've made through ranting about Doctor Who and thrift shopping and dressing up and am so excited for my future of not being a 13 year old. Cheers to four years.

 

fevers

So not much has happened within the past couple weeks. I guess. Nothing memorable at least. As the temperature drops, I feel as though my excitable plans do too.

That's besides the point however. I've been getting more so into my junior year and just like the previously mentioned tempuratures, my grades, free time, and motivation are dropping. The only thing that seems to be increasing is my horrible habit of procrastination. I'm very stressed and on edge to say the least.

I've be delving back into the songs and bands I listened to in middle school for the lols recently and it's honestly not a healthy habit. Not to say my emo phase wasn't my peak, but I don't think it's healthy to revisit the past like this. I just wanted to put that out there to clear up I haven't been listening to All Time Low seriously.

I don't know if this is the right word to use or not, but I feel very obsolete within my position as a writer. It seems like the only things I can create revolve around my exes or bitterness or depression or a cocktail of all three. Instead of composing, it seems like all I'm doing is sitting in skype meetings and receiving emails reminding me I have due dates I completely forgot.

I'm sorry this was so rambly and aimless. I more so just wanted to share some photos I took in St. Marks and Union Sq. a couple weeks ago. As I said earlier, not much has been published lately aside from this piece I wrote on the recent election. Later.

(Room Tour 4.0)

So I'm realizing it's been quite awhile since I showed off my bedroom... thank god it no longer looks the way it did last time (or the time before) (or the time before before) but it's definitely within the same sect of teenage wasteland mixed with alcove.

Bottles across the widow (which leads to the roof) along with bits from Nylon's glitter goth and poolside spread. 

Various photos, magazine cut outs, and posters (my pride and joy being my signed Lights one duh) on the low ceiling above my bed. 

My (far too large) jacket collection strewn across my door and closet along with my main purses (at the moment being my leather backpack). 

My bed in its natural form.

A little look at my shoe collection along with the nickel board I stole from a friend in freshman year, and of course my "I'm a Belieber" magnet (a prized possession). 

My guitars carefully yet carelessly placed next to my keyboard and bookshelf.

My DVD collection next along with the TV I picked off the side of the road over the summer, and a bouquet of dollar store plastic flowers. 

Closer look into the true center of my room (my bed).

A couple of posters I stole from a pop up during Fashion Week over my dresser and bookshelf

I never fully bothered to organize my makeup resulting in this chaos. 

My favorite images over my bed (left to right: A Front Bottoms poster, This Is Our Youth, an editorial about School of American Ballet, a sticker from High Schoolers for Bernie, a Central Park Zoo ticket from a date, my train pass from 2 summers ago, a photo of my grandmother, a portrait from a friend, a postcard given to me by Tenn from The Deep End Club [RIP], a photo from a flee market in Williamsburg, this ridiculous essay my friend wrote, a postcard saying "My Outfit is NOT an invitation", a ticket to the Whitney from the first date with my ex boyfriend, "Happy Birthday to My Best Gay" card from my 16th, a photo Ben took, 2 post cards from Leslie Lohman, a photo from the Whitney rooftop, and a letter my friend Jurnee wrote me)

Bodega flowers paired with my various art history binders and folding maps.

One of the last standing collages in my bedroom over my makeup.

A One Direction shrine because?? 

Bits and bobs next to my bed (highlights include: multiple photos of Zayn, a dollar store "Feliz Cumpleanos" banner, and a Stop Slut poster from 2013).

Putting Yourself First (and why it's important)

   
    I'm always worried about other people's feelings and that's great. What's not so great is when I get more in tune with them than myself. And I tend to end up going through pain and harm so I can remain on good terms with these people and save everyone's feelings. But that doesn't always work. I think I'm in a situation currently and have indulged relationships with people who don't really have my best interest at heart and know how much of a push over I can be. Or just assume that since I let something slide or apologized for a fight that I'm not actually sorry for, anything goes. And that's kind of true. Because when I look at the grand scheme of things, my feelings are first. I mean they are mine. Yet when I'm in situations with others, I get scared of rejection and hatred that I let everyone else win. Except I lose. And that hurts. And I'm not sorry for most of the fights and arguments I say I'm sorry for, instead I just resent these people more and more until it builds up inside of me and creates horrible manifestations of agitation and frustration with them and myself. And that's not ok. And it's not fair for anyone.
   Putting yourself first is SO SO important. I cannot stress that enough. Your feelings are yours and sometimes, you hurt. And sometimes, other people's feelings can't be top priority. Along with this is how counterproductive it is to not express your own feelings when in an argument or talking a situation out. Though it will pause the fight in the moment, resentment is almost inevitable at building up and will ultimately break at some point, causing a much larger issue that could have been prevented.
   Self care is always essential and checking in on your own feelings is too. Though certain events may cause for an evaluation at the other's ideas and opinions, and certain things may have to happen that hurt your feelings, not taking care of yourself and letting yourself be hurt repeatedly, isn't the answer.

Heartbeat In the Brain (picto-diary)

This weekend has been kind of surreal and wonderful and beautiful and so many other positive adjectives that still can't do these memories justice. Prepare for an array of rooftop views.

Summer Shandy (Picto-Diary)

    Things have been pretty hectic and exciting and incredible lately. Since my last post, about a week ago, I have moved to the Upper East Side, began dating someone new and wonderful, and found a tv on the side of the road with my sister.

Me with my most prized possession. It only plays DVDs so I had to dig up some of my thrift shop finds from years ago, needless to say, the Naked Brothers Band Movie is much better on disc.

The NBB film is actually incredibly (and non ironically) good. There's just enough drama and hidden messages (ex: Alex's soda drinking addiction after the band splits) that watching it for the first time in awhile is an extremely enjoyable experience. 10/10 would recommend.

Just a pretty pic of the state of my room currently. (ft: a dog cup a person I went on 2 dates with gave me, my dead cactus, Sally, and an empty soda bottle filled with dollar store fake flowers).

HUGE perk of my place is how close to Central Park I've been (about a ten minute walk)- these townhouses by the park entrance are so dreamy.

Shot of my friend on one of the rocks in CP. Prior to a conversation of various restaurants we'd take bullets for (Yummy Taco and Amish Market were top of the list).

My two best friends in the whole wide world, Anh and Ben. We'd gone to the Whitney fifteen minutes before closing and just ended up looking at books and heading to Chelsea Market. I love these people so much honestly. Wow.

David Bowie memorial outside the American Apparel (ew) in SoHo. Ground control to Major Tom.

Leslie Lohman LGBT Art Gallery. I hadn't been since December (??) and went to their stunning gallery opening on Friday. Such beautiful pieces on gender and identity this month.

Me and a couple buds completely beat at Monk Vintage in Williamsburg. Long day running around and I felt as though I could just melt into that couch.