A Discussion Involving G.B.F

 
   Wow Ann yet another post about homosexuality? I realize this topic has been pretty dragged out but in my Sunday Diary this week, I discussed my issue with being the "gay friend" and why not kill two birds with one stone by writing a movie review and discussing the issue I promised to write more in depth about?
   Starting off with the movie, I watched this teen comedy a few weeks ago and thought it was one of the most ridiculous things I have ever seen because it's hard to deny that it isn't. The film follows a high school in which the gay best friend (otherwise known as GBF) is the new trendy thing and everyone is looking for one including the three girls (all with stupid names) running for homecoming queen. In the midst of this, Tanner and his group of "edgy alternative kids" (including Sadie from "Awkward") are basically just rolling their eyes at this because they're too good for anything all except for Brent who is constantly pressuring Tanner into coming out so he could become popular. The one thing that I continue not to understand is that Brent himself is gay yet just decides to live vicariously through Tanner. Anyways, a whole thing happens with a LGBT club made up of entirely straight people and Tanner is out of the closet. The three "queen bees", Fawcett, 'Shley, and Caprice, (I wasn't kidding about the dumb names) are now after him to try and turn him into the stereotypical GBF. A lot of shit happens in between but things actually get important about an hour and a half in when Tanner makes a speech after he won prom king. He explains that he doesn't want to get "gay married" or be a "gay friend" or have a "gay relationship" and he wants to be a friend, have a relationship, and possibly even get married. The entire movie ends pretty typically with all the cliques forming together and everyone living in peace without GBFs. You have to see the film to be able to understand how surreal and overdone it is but all and all, it's an important message.
   I understand full well that being a gay female does have it's differences from being a gay man (what the film focuses on) but there are still many personal connections I made through watching GBF. For starters, it's in the name: Gay Best Friend. I came out about a month ago and when I informed some of my not so close friends that I still talk to regularly that I was a lesbian I got a lot of reactions such as
"wow now I have a lesbian friend!" which though I know they meant well, I wasn't too happy about. I tried to stress when I came out that I was the same exact person I was before and all of a sudden, this label made me feel like someone else. Like most human beings, I have had friends and they have all referred to me as their friend, Ann. This new title of "lesbian friend" made me feel a whole different way. I mean I don't refer to Emma (for example) as my straight friend so why would anyone feel the need to put my sexuality into a relationship title? Before I go on, yes I do realize that I am part of a minority but that doesn't mean that I don't enjoy being thought of as a rarity. My sexuality has been a very important thing in my life (especially since I obsessed over it when I was questioning) but that doesn't judge my character or relationship title.
   Onto the actual plot of the movie. After Tanner was outed, everyone wanted to be his friend though they barely even knew him. The film really tries to emphasize how ridiculous that is and I absolutely love how they did so. Since I came out, so many more people have been talking to me (with mainly questions and comments like "you're so brave!") and that's really strange for a person like myself. I have always been very introverted and to myself and now that I've let this little secret out, kids who I haven't talked to in years are all of a sudden taking an interest in speaking to me. I was even invited to a party this week because they wanted a lesbian there (which is insanely stupid might I add). This has also given me a weird relationship with guys. Boys are now telling me that I'm their "straight crush on a gay girl" and that I'm awesome (which is definitely not true) and though these are all nice things that I do appreciate it's still strange. I mean no guy (who isn't my friend) wanted to talk to me two months ago and now that I'm out, I'm considered "hot" (which I am positive is an invalid statement).
   To sum it up, GBF is a really ridiculous movie with a pretty great message and I'd rather not be anyone's gay friend.

 

Nash Grier "Gay Scandal" (No One Is Surprised)

   Hello there again! Judging by the title, you must already know what this post is about (about every Internet human being has talked about it) but if you aren't familiar with our friend, Nash Grier, and his most recent scandal, I'm here to fill you guys in. Nash Grier became famous through his popular Vine account in which he dumps food on himself and other pointless shit but is best known for those big, blue eyes that quite a large amount of teenage girls adore. For those who have been reading this blog for awhile may recognize him from a post I did in January about his ever so lovely video about all his crazy expectation of girls (here). Anyways, a Vine of Nash's back from April was recently leaked after it had been deleted (as they say, the Internet is forever) of Nash claiming that HIV and AIDS are a gay only problem and then screaming "FAG!" rather obnoxiously into the camera. This video has gotten people from the gay community such as Tyler Oakley and Arielle Scarella talking about their opinions on the matter and has really gotten me thinking how I feel about this video.
   I am openly gay and though I know that not every homosexual person agrees with me on this but I hate the word fag. I think it is disgusting and shouldn't be used. Ever. I don't care if you are joking. Fag is not a term of endearment and I refuse to be told otherwise. This being said, I don't care who you are, I will not tolerate this word so when Nash screamed it, I couldn't help but feel offended. In addition, as I said in my other post concerning Nash, he has quite a lot of power with so many fans. Most of them are young, impressionable, girls. So when he uses gross and harmful words like "fag", this makes his fans think it is OK to say it since some douche bag on the Internet said it was.
   Since this Vine was leaked, Nash has apologized via Twitter and let me say it was rather underwhelming.

   As you can see, there is a lot wrong with this apology (such as the misspelling of apolagize). Starting off, I just need to make a point towards the first sentence. When you say the word "fag", you are meaning to hurt someone. That is literally what it is; an anti gay slur that is used to make someone feel bad about themselves and who they love. Onto the "young and stupid" part, this happened literally four months ago. He is now only four months older. I don't know about anyone else, but I wouldn't call Ann in April much younger than Ann today so why is Nash now significantly older? Another thing I don't like about this is that this boy is sixteen. Not ten years old. I am fucking fourteen years old and even I know that it is NEVER OK to call someone a fag- especially to my millions of fans. Nash Grier is capable of living on his own yet he can't even determine what is wrong to call someone. Though this apology is flimsy, the thing I hate the most about it is that this happened four months ago and instead of apologizing for it then like he should have, he only actually said sorry when he was getting in trouble and losing fans. If he was really sorry about the vine, he would have said this in April. Obviously, Nash Grier is not upset about calling someone a fag, he is upset about his loss of fans. 

   Later on, a picture of Nash kissing a supposedly gay fan was posted to his snap chat story as if that makes any sense. 

Can we just talk about how uncomfortable this guy looks? As if that isn't weird enough, in what way is this supposed to solve anything? This really shows a lot about Nash. He would rather do something stupid like kiss someone than actually use his words and proper actions for forgiveness. 

   Though this entire situation is extraordinarily upsetting, I think the worst part is that people continue to support Nash. I have even witnessed two girls at my school say that they are absolutely fine with him being a homophobe since he's hot and funny. There are so many people out there on the Internet who aren't misogynists against gay rights so why are we supporting this piece of shit? This being said, I do not forgive Nash and though I have heard a lot of points towards why what he did was OK, I stand by the obvious fact that it isn't OK to say fag.

I'm Here, I'm Queer

   I wasn't really sure how to write or say this and I don't know when and at what point in my life I will be when I decide to actually post this. I'm not going to put a dramatic lead up to the big news because that just isn't me. As you can tell by the ever so obvious title, I'm gay. I'm attracted to girls and to be honest, it took me quite awhile to accept myself. When I was little, I always envisioned myself with that perfect boyfriend. You know that one that writes you songs and takes you on cute little dates and kisses you in the rain. I thought about my wedding day and that perfect man standing at the end of the aisle. I daydreamed about my high school boyfriend meeting my parents and how much they would adore him and how absolutely perfect he was. Throughout elementary school, I had a couple crushes on guys and movie stars (all male). I mean I grew up not knowing much about homosexuality aside from a girl in my class (who actually became one of my best friends later on) had two moms so I always figured that men were my only option. Since this was years ago, I can't really say whether or not I "like liked" these boys also for the reasons that I was an underdeveloped little girl. It wasn't until about early sixth grade or late fifth grade that I really figured out who I was and what gender I was attracted to. It started out with this weird feeling in my stomach whenever I saw a girl. It was like those butterflies that my mind convinced me into thinking were reserved for boys. Needless to say, this made me extremely frustrated. I mean I was dealing with the beginning of my anxiety disorder and extraordinarily low self esteem due to the fact I felt hideous so I just didn't seem to have the emotional capacity to handle this so I put these thoughts to the back of my mind and just tried to focus on getting a boyfriend like all the other immature sixth graders had.
   I remember the first time I ever came out to anyone ever. It was over google chat on a Thursday night with a boy in my homeroom, John. I'm not sure why or how it happened but I guess it just slipped and I said the word that defined most of sixth grade for me: "Bi". And that is how I identified myself for the next year. I think the reason why I chose to call myself bisexual is for I just wanted to hold onto the possibility that this wasn't an actual thing and I could still have a chance at normality. As many of you know, John is now one of my best friends ever and this just made the two of us closer. We would talk and talk about the wondrous world of sexuality and if I didn't have him as a friend, I would still be stuck in the same terrible place I was in the beginning.
   Seventh grade happened, and I lost about all my friends who knew about my little secret (my parents still didn't know) so when I started over with new people, I just didn't have the strength or courage to tell them due to the fact I thought they'd be creeped out and leave.  This is also when the world of relationships opened up to me. I was becoming less shy and all of a sudden, guys wanted to "hook up" (aka make out) with me which was unreal. I had a long distance boyfriend for two months that year and though he was such a sweet guy, I didn't feel anything and therefor we broke up. I kissed other boys throughout seventh grade but I never had another boyfriend or relationship since I put all my effort into making friends.
   This year is when things really began to come together and at the same time, fall apart. My sexuality was becoming what I felt to be, "a problem.". There was such a strong and obsessive need to put a label on who I liked and when I finally figured out who I was and what gender I was attracted to, I couldn't accept it and forced myself to "like" guys. I had a pretty great boyfriend for about two weeks. The two of us would send each other music recommendations and he was a really cool person overall. The thing was, the "feelings" I felt for him were beyond forced. I was pushing myself so hard for that perfect boyfriend when really, what my mind wanted was something totally different.
   The past few weeks have been great with coming out. I told Vivi one day when we were hanging out and I couldn't ask for a better reaction. Fiona was also someone who I found was essential to tell and I think we all know how great she is. My regular friend group is mainly made out of people who've known of my sexuality since the beginning but ever since I have been more open and ready to address it, they've been the best. Samantha, John, Emma, Sophia, and Eli have all given me their support I'm more than lucky be able to call such amazing people my friends (I forgot to mention the great "coming out performance" that we planned for my parents in which me, John, and Emma all rhythmically snap coming out of their bedroom closet- there's also a whole thing with Eli in a unicorn costume and Tyler Oakley throwing glitter-it's great). Needless to say, my friends are the most wonderful people ever. Coming out to my parents was a bit harder. For starters, I couldn't be anymore nervous. I knew they'd be accepting but the fear of them not understanding freaked me out. When I finally sat them down, my throat tightened up and I couldn't seem to talk for quite awhile until I finally broke the news and they both immediately made me feel so relieved and loved.
   This post had quite a lot of anxiety and worry behind it for not only am I coming out to you guys with it but a lot of people at my school. I am blessed to live in such a wonderful and accepting town and bullying isn't a big fear of mine though the one thing I do want to emphasize is that I am no different now that I'm openly gay. I mean I am the same exact person I was before just I so happen to be a lesbian and that in no way changes my character. I am hoping you will take this well and support me just like many of you lovely people have in the past. I am also going to please ask anyone who is upset about this to not put anything in the comments and keep your opinions to yourself. Also, I'm going to clarify that though I cannot see into the future and confirm that this isn't just a phase, I have had these feelings for two years now and therefor I am certain that what I am feeling and the way I identify myself is true.
   Another thing that freaked me out was the actual post itself. I believe coming out is a pretty special and important thing especially since you've gotten to know me (and vice versa) for over a year and this is pretty big news. I felt a need to make this jumble of words inspirational or something like that when really, this is more me. I like the idea of just getting me feelings out to you guys and treating you more like friends than readers because that's how I think of most of you (at least everyone who has said hello!) so here I am or in the words of Jack Howard,
"I'm here, I'm queer."
     I'm going to end this post off on a comical note with a really awesome video by Tomska with Jack Howard in it because it's relevant enough. I love you guys to the moon and back and feel as though there is a weight being lifted off my shoulders with telling you.