if it's just between us (+some favorites)

Things have been okay lately and I mean that in an indifferent manner. I haven't been in love with much but have been dying for the validation that others love me and found myself trapped this week hoping some guy thought I was intelligent because a small, yet ever so present, part of me longs for the word  "brilliant" to come out of a man's mouth in reference to me.

from a picnic in Tompkins with How Fitting old-timer, John

some misc things I'm into these days:
-Lorde's Melodrama, I used to be hardcore against the singer but think I've hit the perfect point in which every word that comes out that woman's mouth seems aimed at me. "Liability" is a lot for me but undoubtedly the greatest. Thank you Lorde for this one.
-Difficult People is also a hit at the moment for me. I'm always drawn to surreal and bizarre depictions of the narcissistic with shots of New York I can recognize. Billy Eichner you've done it again.
-Lavender incense deserves a real shoutout for helping me ease into my summer sleeping schedule/I've been trying this self curing technique for my chronic anxiety in which I continuously say "I'm not anxious" whenever I smell lavender in hopes that the scent of lavender will instantly cease my spiraling. As bizarre as it sounds, it's working surprisingly well.

-I kind of fell in love with Charli XCX's video for "Boys"??? It satisfied not only my emo phase (Brendon Urie laying amongst rose petals and Oli Sykes being his usual dapper self is enough to see the video) but that weird in between pastel goth "buy me candy floss and call me baby girl" period I had in sophomore year. Overall really good time and I'm unsure if it was commenting on the boy obsessed stereotype that is pushed on teenage girls but I thoroughly appreciated it regardless.
-My latest subway book has been Available by Matteson Perry- I don't think I've genuinely enjoyed reading something this much since Jessi Klein's You'll Grow Out of It. I actually originally heard of it through NPR's Modern Love podcast (something I *highly* rec) in which an excerpt of manic pixie dream girls was read- Perry is just so entertaining and I almost too much enjoy hearing of other's experiences in romance.
-Podcasts! Podcasts have resurfaced as my favorite thing (my ultimate dream of ending up as marketing director of NPR is yet to die) and I'd heavily recommend How I Built This (the Rent the Runway ep is a personal favorite, listening to Jenn Hyman speak about sexual harassment as a woman in power is incredible), This American Life  (a classic- the one on middle school continues to be my absolute favorite but they just recently did one on summer camp that I listened to on the way to a date and felt painful nostalgia for), and Mortified (this one is a little more lowbrow but very entertaining, I especially liked "Mortified Interrupted" in which in the second act, a man talks about how he convinced himself he was a writer/comedian/actor/musician when he'd done none of these things).

-I'm not going to pretend I like Neck Deep again but I was really feeling their video for "In Bloom". Nothing gets me like random artsy objects alongside pastel colors- it all reminded me of a concept for a Dazed or Wonderland editorial. I'd also be lying if I said I didn't vibe with the lyrics, I sometimes think I make up problems for myself to connect with moody pop punk but that whole "we're never going to put the pieces back together if you won't let me get better" bit got me on a weird level because I don't even understand how that situation connects to my life in any way, shape, or form. I blame it on my excessive empathy due to being an anxious-avoident lover.
-very vintage How Fitting but I made a playlist summing up my music taste over the past couple weeks- a lot of french pop and Jake Bugg. I think I'm just reliving another odd in between phase of mine.
 

-Annie 

American Girl : The Process

 Hey, Ava here. I am new to the blogging world, so bear with me. I just got my new camera (Canon Rebel T3), and I just did my first photoshoot with an actual person in it. I called it "American Girl". After a few hours of failed shots and Monica (my model) standing outside in 30 degree weather with a sundress on, I have some shots I would like to share.  The meaning of this "photoshoot" was to capture this girl's transition from childhood into being a teenager. This often awkward transition came with stress and insecurity. In the end, though, she realizes she just has to be happy with who she is.  While this theme might be  a bit overdone, it is by far the most work I've put into any photoshoot. It required wardrobe changes, bedsheet changes, and, of course, makeup. I loved the process (it was really rad). But, being that I rarely wear makeup, we failed at the makeup part. Miserably. So, we had to resort to smearing the eyeliner to make it look like she was crying, and to conceal the horribly done eye makeup. Then I wrote P-E-R-F-E-C-T on her forehead for a good message to be sent out, and, and for an extra pop to the photo. The aftermath of the makeup, though, was a disaster. It took 15-30 minutes for Monica to get the eye makeup off, and with the use of showers, Aveeno face wipes, face washes, and sleep, the eye makeup is now completely off. I am eternally glad and grateful I finally let go of iPhonegraphy and got an actual camera to work with. Despite some of the struggles I went through with taking these pictures, I am proud to admit that I am looking forward to many photoshoots to come. Oh, and Happy New Year.

Yours Truly,

Ava 

Photographic Fantasy

I just love the look of this photograph. The room she is in is so plain except for a small collection of framed pictures. Not only is the setting simple, so is the model. She isn't wearing fancy makeup or a special outfit. She's not even wearing a shirt. I just find it to be so mysterious and somewhat heart braking if you look closely on the girl's expression.

This one is a bit more interesting setting wise yet I find the facial expression of the model to be the most attracting. She seems in such deep thought. I have assumed she is reminiscing on past mistakes. The entire picture is so serene ad almost calming that I can't help but love it.

Hands down, this is my new favorite photograph of all time. I can't exactly pinpoint why but it just is. One reason why I took such a liking towards it is for I have always wanted to be in a band or maybe it is just because that pink electric guitar is rad.

I like the story of this one. The facial expression is hidden therefor, the viewer isn't able to assume the feelings this model has about these photographs. I find love it.

-Ann

All pictures taken from Weheartit

Friday Extra: I Took A Walk

My neighborhood has these awesome gas lamps 

My favorite house ever

So I tried to climb a gas lamp...

I just wanted to wear that wreath as a crown

I took a liking towards this fallen branch

We snuck into my neighbor's backyard to go on the swing

My sister trying to figure out how to climb the tree

Being the average American town, we have white picket fences

I Don't Even Know What I'm Like Anymore (the last day of Summer)

 I don't even know if I am at an all time high or low

  or if I am happy or sad

  I don't even know what personality is

 or what I like to do or what I think about myself anymore

 I can't figure out why but people around me hate what I'm doing when I love it.

 I don't know if I am building myself up from nothing or breaking myself down from everything

 I find myself to be the most boring human yet I constantly find myself endlessly fascinating

 I make these promises that I don't mean and I'm slowly realizing what terrible a person I can be.

 I want to be alone so I can get lost in my own thoughts for that is where I am most happy

 I am indecisive and don't even know if I love or hate myself

 I want to smile for this has been the best Summer yet to everyone else, is the worst summer for all of the things I've done.

 I don't want to leave my bed yet I just want to go outside and climb a tree

 What makes me happy is the thing that makes everyone else hurt

 So just leave me alone and allow me to get lost in my head