Sunday, June 15, 2014

Chaos Is What Killed The Dinosaurs, Darling

   So much is going on that I just want to put my life on pause. With one full week left of middle school and the summer approaching, the only thing I can be bothered to do is watch "Heathers" over and over agin on Netflix and listen to a whole lot of The Kooks. My feelings on my middle school life ending tend to contradict each other. One day, I can't wait to move on and others, I have a need to go back to sixth grade and do it all over again. My thoughts haven't been as racing and messy as they are usually and I thank Prozac for that yet I can't seem to get a hold of myself and really care or realize what is going on. Though my mind doesn't speed anymore, I still get strange thoughts that I can't get out my head such as J.D with a bomb around his stomach and Winona Rider in that awesome trench coat in the first scene of "Heathers". These images don't frighten me or anything like that- they just seem to have stuck with me. I come up with thoughts of adventures and things I will never do for I know that my anxiety will get the best of me. Finals approaching. The dinner dance is approaching. Graduation is approaching. Yet as these events come closer and closer, I just push them away and pretend as though I have all the time in the world because I'm fourteen and I truly do. So if I just stay here with the pause button on everything as chaos and change swirl around me, I think I'll be fine.

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