Sunday, March 23, 2014

It Would Be Nice To Start Over Again

   I'm a whole new person. I decide as I look at myself in the mirror. My extensions are out and though short hair causes me a tremendous amount of anxiety, this whole new person I am doesn't get anxious that easily. I don't want to be the girl who has an anxiety attack over her hair again. I am starting to really adore this new girl I look at. She doesn't have a terrible past of clinginess and being a manipulative bitch. I don't know where this decision really came from. Maybe it was that I found out about how everyone at my school knows how awful I was years ago or possibly for it was time to start over again. I really can't tell you.
  My friends Samantha, John, Nate, Sophia, and I run in a field by a playground near our school. It's Friday and warm and just perfect. My new self is beginning to love moments like these. We leave the playground a bit later and go to Sophia's and make pad Thai and dumplings. I see a movie with Vivi that night and we fill the theatre with laughter as we realize we accidentally walked into "Divergent" instead of the Wes Anderson movie we have both been dying to see.
  I discuss sleeping anxiety with a girl who I couldn't stand three years ago yet now she is one of my closest school friends. I think I need to say sorry to her for being so horrible in fifth grade. I shouldn't have done a lot of things that year. I like her for she doesn't really seem to care and takes it as a joke. I laugh at how no one liked me that year. The funny thing was, no one hated me more than myself.
This new regeneration is some one who I am going to like. She will text her online friends more so relationships don't fall apart. She will focus on other things aside from herself. The old Ann got way too caught up in her own problems. I am going to be confident and happy with myself.

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