i think everything i love is leaving me but i also think i grow too attached to things

i started this blog in 2013 (??). i was thirteen years old.
i spent my afternoons obsessively producing quantity over quality posts. and i loved it. i really did. as detached ive grown from this space, i subconsciously thank it every day for teaching me how to create. i really wish i hadnt lost that.
its really hard for me to write now. im unsure if ive grown addicted to mindless technology or if thats just a coping mechanism so i dont have to make things i dont like.
i really cant pinpoint exactly when i stopped feeling the motivation to do anything that would require actual effort in writing. i want to saw it was the depression but it was something a lot deeper than that. i think i just got into the mindset that theres no point in making if its not something that immediately satisfies me. i cant even begin to describe how frustrating and debilitating this is.
now when people question if im "still doing that blog thing" its really hard to answer. because i do it every day in my head. and i love it. but that doesnt really count.
i want to put out there that this was prompted by me listening to new panic! at the disco singles while driving home from the doctor's office. which is kind of hilarious. it wasnt the sheer badness of it. it was just the idea that everything moved on. and that i didnt realize how much objects or concepts like bands and clothes and books mattered to me. but it hit me that the world moved along in the same way i did. all so weird.

Ann's Note: September 2014

Well hello there,
   Wow this summer has been a blur and even though it sucks that it's over, I am powering through onto the things to be excited for starting this month and continuing onto the school year starting with our brand new schedule! For the past two years, television hasn't been a big thing in my life and though it still isn't very, I do have a few shows I am passionate about and were renewed for new seasons so every Thursday, I will be discussing my favorite shows; "Hannibal", "Supernatural", "American Horror Story", and "Criminal Minds" (new ones may be added too! Also, if "Full Frontal" gets a season 4, I'll be talking about that.) and the episode that week. I'm super excited to start with that (all the shows premiere in October so I will be starting then) since it will give me a bigger part in the communities of all those programs I love talking about.
  Onto what's going on in the fall, the thought of school coming back scares me yet makes me excited at the same time. Maybe just because I am starting high school which is especially stressful but I can't help but dread for the beginning of actually having to be productive again. I just don't think I will ever be ready for this to happen and therefor it being forced upon me is a good thing. Hey maybe I'll learn a thing or two or something like that.
   Anyways, I am going to end this post off with some photos from the time I become the less awesome Flower Violet  and took some kool bathtub shots. You've been you, I've been this thing:

Ann's Note- October

Autumn Leaves

Hey you!
October by far, is my favorite month. Not only do I celebrate my fourteenth birthday on the eleventh (cough cough wink wink nudge nudge) and get to walk around dressed up getting free candy, but a lot of pretty rad things are happening in October. For one, I am seeing Tavi Gevinson on the fifth and The Rookie Yearbook came out today. October is cool as frick. This month on How Fitting is also pretty freaking cool. We have an awesome new member: Sophie who is one of the coolest people I have ever met. October is also the month is which I begin my "adventure" of living by Seventeen Magazine. As I told Viv, this could either be the coolest thing I have done through this blog or the stupidest thing to put my time towards. I guess that is the mindset I am in for every adventure. All in all, October is a month full of adventure, autumn leaves, and me celebrating the day of my birth (on the 11th).
Love you guys
-Ann