Change Part 2

   Last week, I discussed change and my issues with it (here). Over these past seven days, things have oddly become different on my issue with things not staying the same. I wouldn't say that I was stuck in a rut for the reason that that is overly dramatic, but I think it is appropriate to say I have been bored. My daily schedule excludes anything out of the ordinary and I mainly do the same thing every day. My hair has been the same since October (OK maybe it grew a bit...) and my wardrobe is filled with only one color (In other words, I own too much black!). I've grown to this stability but sometimes, I do need change. And so I acted on it. This weekend, not only did leave I the red streaks for dark brown hair with blonde, but How Fitting has changed in appearance!

(new hair!)

   I guess what I'm trying to say that maybe change isn't as bad as I psych my brain out to be. That doesn't mean I'm not still anxious or worried about the future because believe me, I am. I don't want my friend group and I to grow apart and I'm still extraordinarily nervous about what and where I will be next year but that doesn't mean that I have to close myself out to hating all change that happens. Change is something essential in life and though I am usually uneasy about transformation and development, I can't live with fingers crossed that everything will stay the same.

Most Of Us Are Heaving Through Corrupted Lungs

 

I don't like change. I don't like it when a show's main plot changes or a character dies. I don't like new schools or houses or rooms. I find security in stability and have a need to keep it that way or else my world temporarily crashes down on me. A whole lot change has been going on in the past couple weeks. A smaller piece was Parks and Recreation and how Mark left (I'm currently on season three) which had me upset for a good hour until I got over it but the change that has messed me up to the point of sleepless nights, anxiety filled days, and overall clingyness is even the thought of next year. As school comes to a close for the summer, the days I have left of middle school dwindle down. I don't know why I all of a sudden feel this way. I mean I hate middle school. I don't particularly like any teachers aside from about one or two and they're really isn't anything in the actual building I'm going to miss. It's the people. All the wonderful personalities and traits about my friends are beautiful and I don't want to let them go ever. I finally have found a friend group I am secure and happy in and I am aware that these relationships will fall apart within the next couple months. I don't want to lose Emma who's going to private school next year or John or Nate or Sophia or Sam or anyone. I want to be in my own bubble with these people where change cannot touch us and I've made it important to myself that I really cherish the people I am surrounded by in this moment for at one point, I will have to let them go.