Monday, August 1, 2016
I'm always worried about other people's feelings and that's great. What's not so great is when I get more in tune with them than myself. And I tend to end up going through pain and harm so I can remain on good terms with these people and save everyone's feelings. But that doesn't always work. I think I'm in a situation currently and have indulged relationships with people who don't really have my best interest at heart and know how much of a push over I can be. Or just assume that since I let something slide or apologized for a fight that I'm not actually sorry for, anything goes. And that's kind of true. Because when I look at the grand scheme of things, my feelings are first. I mean they are mine. Yet when I'm in situations with others, I get scared of rejection and hatred that I let everyone else win. Except I lose. And that hurts. And I'm not sorry for most of the fights and arguments I say I'm sorry for, instead I just resent these people more and more until it builds up inside of me and creates horrible manifestations of agitation and frustration with them and myself. And that's not ok. And it's not fair for anyone.
Putting yourself first is SO SO important. I cannot stress that enough. Your feelings are yours and sometimes, you hurt. And sometimes, other people's feelings can't be top priority. Along with this is how counterproductive it is to not express your own feelings when in an argument or talking a situation out. Though it will pause the fight in the moment, resentment is almost inevitable at building up and will ultimately break at some point, causing a much larger issue that could have been prevented.
Self care is always essential and checking in on your own feelings is too. Though certain events may cause for an evaluation at the other's ideas and opinions, and certain things may have to happen that hurt your feelings, not taking care of yourself and letting yourself be hurt repeatedly, isn't the answer.